The Beginning

“In the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love and only love, can heal brokenness” Christopher Poindexter

Humans are not made to be alone. Regardless of your religious beliefs, whether Christian, Muslim, Spiritualism, Wiccan, etc. you find that people were created to interact and be loved by other people. In some religions and cultures, it is a physical need only, in others, it is a spiritual need. One thing is for sure: We all want to be loved.

I am writing and sharing this blog to help others who have come from a background of searching for love in all the wrong places come to an understanding of their need to be loved. I will also to share with you all how life has changed now that I have found a love that transcends distance and time and heals me. I pray that each of you will also find this type of love.

Now that you understand why we are here, let’s get into the meat of this post.  A little background on me: I am 40 years old, a Native American and White woman, mother of 7 (my youngest was born with 7 heart defects, he is now almost 3), spoken word artist, activist, survivor of domestic violence (almost lost my life), caretaker (I care for people who are terminally ill and I stay with them until the end), sister to 2 brothers, grandmother (MeMe for future references), and many, many other things. I wear many hats and depending on the day, I may wear a few of those hats at the same time.

I was raised by my grandparents. Most of the time. My biological mother was in and out of my life at various times and by the age of 14, I was so angry that I decided I was going to do whatever I wanted to do no matter what anyone had to say about it. You see, I was essentially looking for love and acceptance. This led to many failed relationships and 7 children who I have raised alone (you will get those stories in other blogs. I wont bore you with the details right now).

Now that you know a little about me, lets get into the love that is healing me.

I met my fiancée 9 years at a show. He is a saxophone player and I am a spoken word artist. If you know anything about spoken word, you know that most venues have a live band or at least an open mic session where anyone can showcase their talents. So, with the help of  our artistry, we met. Now, you must understand that our first meeting was not an instant fireworks session. We did not fall madly in love. As a matter of fact, we barely noticed each other. It was a conversation outside of the venue between a few of the artists ( a very silly conversation about monkey, giraffe, zebra and rhino sounds during sex) that led to us even exchanging information. The next years were filled with flirtatious msgs on social media, late night drunken phone calls and random text messages. We both went on to have failed relationships and many heart breaks and aches. We live 500 miles apart, he in SC and I in Tn so we only saw each other when I was in town for a show. Many times when I was in town, we didn’t see each other at all because I was there to visit my brother (my poetic brother for future reference).

Fast forward to October 2014: I was visiting my brother and he came to hang out ( he and my brother are friends, hang with the same artists and are very much alike in so many ways) I asked him to stay even when he said he had to go because he had to work the next morning. He stayed. We spent the rest of the night into the wee hours of the morning enjoying each other. He went to work with NO sleep and at that moment we both knew that this was something more than what we had been giving it the chance to be. We HAD TO know each other. This began our journey. From that day until this one, we have only had 2 days where we didn’t communicate and that was not by choice. There were technical difficulties that caused this. We began phone conversations every day and text messages every moment we were not on the phone together. We talked extensively about our lives and what had happened in all the years we had known each other. We began to tell each other things no one else knew about us. It was a beautiful beginning that grew into a love that is not even describable at this moment. We have spent the last 3 holidays together and the children and I have spent as much time in SC as possible so that we can build our relationship. The best part of all of this is: we weren’t looking for love. It found us.